Letters written to E. O.,[1] who wishes to make Claire Charnacé appear suspicious to me! Also to Claire, and to Mr Tribert. In the afternoon a drive with the children. Siegfried hoarse; at table he says: “I do not like these days anymore.” When questioned, he explains: “Because all people must die.” He consoles himself with the thought that it will still be a long time before all people die. I believe the child has some foreboding of my sorrow; I believe that, if one could die of grief, so I would have to die now!
Rubinstein played Beethoven’s “Les Adieux, l’absence et le retour”; at these sounds, memories of times long gone pass before me, and I had to weep; to weep and to pray; will God take pity on me? … I cannot think of the performances. O God, how light was the heavy burden then; how heavy now is any success, any satisfaction whatsoever to the heart that is weighed down.
[1] Emile Ollivier
Revised English translation by Jo Cousins [© Jo Cousins | WAGNER Salon]